MichelleLeaving home. I’ve lived in this one area my entire life. It is so much a part of me that I believe it will come with me on my travels and I won’t miss it. I fear this will be one of those moments where the truth is the opposite of my belief. I imagine that the home I think I won’t miss, will be ripped from me and lost in the wind leaving a gaping hole in my being. On one hand I feel this is no longer home as I have no family here. The RV life will allow me to be closer to family and friends whenever I choose. But what will happen to this home of mine? Will it cease to exist in my mind and heart? Or will it feel like home forever? Sometimes I feel lost at this thought; other times I’m excited to look for a new home that feels the way this one should but doesn’t any more. Although Mom has been gone for several years , I still feel as if I would be leaving her behind, her home and mine. It makes my heart ache to leave her. But she doesn’t need me anymore, so I tell myself it’s OK to go now. I also tell myself it’s OK to come back.
My house. It’s the nicest place I’ll ever live in my lifetime. Certainly not palatial but elegant in it’s own right. It has no view, nor a lot of property. The house behind me looks down into my back yard, if you can call it that. It’s not small and it’s not big. It IS warm and cozy and quiet. It’s my place of refuge where I can escape whatever I need to. I love wandering from room to room. I love the large and plentiful windows with the sun streaming in. I love my gardens with their variety of color and texture. I love the birds and peace that it attracts. My Gardens, that I created myself to feed my soul. So why leave it? For all its positives, the negatives are starting to outweigh them. Upkeep – lots of it. Things break – lots of money. The rooms fill up with past collectibles, family heirlooms, furniture, and all of this is doubled. Mine and Mom’s. I truly believe that the stuff in boxes just multiplies like bunnies. I throw away 5 boxes of clothes and 5 more magically appear. I’m overwhelmed. It all needs to be sorted, kept or discarded, dusted, sold. All these ‘Things’ are weighing me down and cluttering my homey spaces. Calgon take me away!! I miss those days of living in small spaces where extra stuff cannot be accumulated. Where cleaning is minimal. What happened to wanting that bigger place so I could have more stuff? I call it the mountain of life. You work to climb the mountain to gain as much as possible, only to reach the top and wish you were at the bottom again where life was easier. I will miss this house of mine and all of the security it provided. A solid and safe place that sheltered me and my kitties for so many years. You never know, maybe I’ll have a house again someday.
Work. Career. Whatever you call it. It’s part of that Mountain of Life. Work and move ahead one step at a time. Climbing ever higher to pay for all that stuff, the house, the clothes, the car. At some point I reached the summit of the mountain and took a look around. There were mountains below me and mountains above me, but I was pretty happy with my mountain. It was the perfect height for me, had just the right amount of trees and meadows, and was all mine. My own achievement. So for a while I reveled in my achievement, my ‘summit’. I wouldn’t trade the travels it provided me though, this hike to the summit. At the summit it is sunny but there is no shelter for when it rains. The view is stunning, but I wish to be in the meadows and beside the rivers rather than looking down upon them. At the summit there is nowhere further to go and nothing new to see. So what now? The only way is down if I want to climb a new mountain and reach a new summit. My family, my friends, my new life all exist on other mountains. So down my mountain I must go to find these other summits. No more do I want to work for ‘things’ of no importance. The unfulfilling, materialistic things that captured me in my youth. No more wasting time. I will make this new journey.
The Goal (a new summit).
- I will connect with family, friends, and nature.
- I will embrace and marvel at this world and its vast diversity.
- I will help where I can.
- I will actively seek new friends and experiences.
- I will protect wildlife and nature.
- I will seek out new learning.
- I will be the best person I can be.
- I will live my life based on my values.
Beautiful! When did you originally write this?
I wrote these posts is 2018 when I first started thinking about the RV Life and what it would mean.
Michelle, you are a fantastic writer. You really have a way with words. You may not have any “blood related” family in the Seattle area, but you have a very large family of dancers that love and care about you. We do hope you’ll come back to us after you’ve traveled around and climbed a few more mountains. We miss you already. Wishing you all the best in your travels.
Thank you so much! I enjoy writing. Thank you for your kind words too, I am already missing round dancing! And will sorely miss everyone in the club! I’m glad I left at the end of the dance season… it makes it a little easier!